For those who are interested in science fiction a good place to visit is Planet Galloway, a strange universe on Talksport where all the laws of logic are stood on their head,where Lewis Carrol meets Edward Lear and weird moral inversions stride across the loony landscape like spasticated gargoyles grinning and grimacing in weird contortions of rage and splenetic fury.
Only those versed in Gallowayspeak can participate. Those who beg to differ are hung out to dry, ridiculed, cut off their words twisted by knaves and fools to their master's bidding.
Yesternight someone of Scottish extraction (a sine qua non for invitees onto Planet Galloway) called Cameron phoned in and informed us that life was so much better in Russia under the Soviets before the evil Yeltsin and co staged their undemocratic coup. Children and adults skipped through the daisies with beatific smiles on their faces glad to be alive and enjoying the fruits of Soviet beneficence. Why, our trusty acolyte went there himself to witness the delights of Soviet life firsthand and could vouch unwaveringly for all his astute observsations. The West has been roundly duped by the Moscow spring and the fall of East Berlin.
For these amazing insights into Soviet nirvana Galloway informed his avid listeners that the trusty Cameron will appear live on stage with his exalted self at a location in London where George, apparently, to rapturous applause and a full house regularly dispenses his pearls of political wisdom. Tickets can be purchased on his website and a telephone number is given out.
No kooky conspiracy theory no matter how weird or bizarre is exluded and is given houseroom on Planet Galloway. Group-think and all things counter intuitive are embraced with a glee and relish only possible from glazed-eyed acolytes of the Galloway Cult. One hundred callers a weekend clog the lines with their unique brand of Galloway Gibberish and are unfaltering in their benisons to the Master of tergiversation and doublespeak who can spout the utmost arrant melifluous nonsense with all the panache and aplomb of the most accomplished demagogue, without missing a beat. Tis truly a wonder to behold. The listener is transfixed, spellbound by the mastery of the verbal prestidigitation, as wild a priori leaps of logic are executed with faultless agility and mesmerising chutzpah.
The beloved Leader will periodically read out fan letters/emails from his flock, fulsome in their praise for him. Detractors will only be included if they are illiterate and praise Hitler with the clear inference that if you oppose the cast iron certainties and absolutes of George you are a fascist and only worthy of the flames of hell.
This week we were informed that our George has been holding it in for weeks due to the laws governing broadcasting during local elections! He has been holding back, repressing. What we thought were wild rants and irrational pronouncements of an escaped lunatic were but little ripples on the still pond of George's mind. Next week the torrents will be unleashed!
Why not visit now? The scales will fall from your eyes, your conflict will be over. You too will love Big Brother George.
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